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Welcome To The Non-Sequitor Theatre... - Cut scenes from Ch 9 [My Home Page] [My Fanfiction]
April 10th, 2007
03:25 am

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Cut scenes from Ch 9
So, I'm working away, though slowly, on Ch 9 of AMOC.  I started and restarted three times before coming on a scene that felt right for the opening sequence, and it's 100% different than what's below.  Here are the two previous openings, in all their unfleshed glory...


First cut:
Despite Gaara’s warnings of the dangers of the desert, they reached the pass which marked the entry to Sunagakure uneventfully.  Sakura didn’t get a chance to learn much more about desert survival however, having passed two and a half days almost constantly either healing herself or sleeping.  (Though she HAD learned about sand mites, to her severe displeasure.)  By the time she was done repairing her body and needed no further sleep, the cliffs of the village could be seen through the haze of the evening sun.

*Sand sibs meet them at the pass, Temari asks about how Gaara’s first escort mission went*

Sakura realized suddenly that she was riding into the Kazekage’s town, practically sitting in said Kazekage’s lap, and every single person in the village  knew that she was the one that would be marrying their Kazekage.  She felt, in a word, like some sort of trophy that Gaara had left the village to hunt, and was now returning triumphantly to display to all.  (perhaps she can think of it in an allegory, then it snaps to reality, or remembers from school some kind of animal that hunts out a mate and brings it home, like Tasmanian devil.)


The allegory idea might have been funny, but the only really good thing to come of this was the realization that this should be Gaara's first escort mission.  With that idea I've come up with a good backstory for him of just how he went about gaining people's trust and transforming from a feared weapon to a trusted Kazekage.

Second cut: Where the heck was this going anyway?  Not to mention, who the hell cares?  -
Sakura camped with Tsunade that night, so that she could check on the progress of her healing, and help a bit as well.  They talked about inconsequential stuff at first, but gradually turned to discussing relationships as Tsunade imparted what wisdom she could.  Having never been married though, and in only one committed relationship, Tsunade admitted that she couldn’t help that much.  Sakura would probably have to figure out a way to live peaceably with Gaara on her own.

A misguided attempt to have more mother-daughter interaction between Tsunade and Sakura...  pretty much worthless.


I've also realized I've done a bad job of communicating just who exactly is on this caravan trip.  I've mentioned just a fraction of the people who I've been thinking were there, and as the journey chapters continue on into ch 9, I'm realizing I'll have to come to a decision.  I can -
a)retcon previous chapters to more fully include all the characters,
b)revamp my own definition of just who was in this caravan to begin with, or
c)do nothing, and if they show up in the wedding ceremony later it might seem like they popped into existence.


Caravan to Suna, 32 in all
Tsunade                Gaara                *Sakura                *Shikamaru
*Neji                        *Shino               Naruto                  Kakashi
Hinata                     Ino                      Lee                       Tenten
Choji                        Asuma              Kurenai                Guy
4 Suna advisors & 4 wagonhands
4 Konoha advisors & 4 wagonhands
*means that they're an exchange member

People who have actually been mentioned, much less seen
Gaara         Sakura         Tsunade         Naruto
Ino               Kakashi       Hinata            Suna advisors, some wagonhands
And Shika, Neji, and Shino I think only got mentioned when everyone was saddling up to leave Konoha.  Not since then.


Opinions are greatly appreciated!

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From:[info]leilia
Date:April 10th, 2007 12:05 pm (UTC)
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The second cut definitely needed to happen. We really don't need the mother/daughter bonding and it can be done in other ways that are little less detrimental to the flow. The first opening wasn't bad and it still may have useable aspects to it. It depends on if you want to go that way and if you plan on having any part of the plot depend on Sakura knowing the missed desert survival classes and/or the reasons why Gaara now has his people's trust.

As for listing who is in the party. Well, there are one of two really easy ways that you can identify who is in the party with Sakura and Gaara.

1.) Have Sakura take mental stock. She can get bored sitting on Gaara's lap and glance around and note what people are doing who's riding where etc. If you want, since you have Gai, Kakashi, Naruto, and Lee in the party. You can use this time to have minor antics going on that attracts her attention and adds some levity to the chapter.

2.) The old guard accounting for who is entering and exiting the city. You can have him ask for the identities of those people whom you haven't identified as being in the party and have him give them passes to the city. You don't really have to identifie the wagonhands or advisors by name if you have them go in out of earshot of Sakura or if she gets distracted by something else, like a conversation with Gaara over her new home or the cliffs leading into Suna. Again you can use this for comedic effect as well as some drama when it comes to currently unaffiliated shinobi.

Those are the two easiest ways to do it. Another easy way is to have Sakura acknowledge in conversation that she didn't really get a chance to note who all was in the party and that way you can have whoever you want show up later without issues. She didn't know and since she is the primary POV character it means that the reader didn't know.

Hopefully that helps.
[User Picture]
From:[info]kodukadvakch
Date:April 10th, 2007 05:32 pm (UTC)
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Hmm... I believe in the idea that no dropped scenes are bad; they just didn't fit with the story. Well, unless they were horribly written, or something like that, but I know you're a talented author who works hard to create something worth reading. Tidbits of stories, ideas that won't work, are all just 'deleted scenes' of a fiction.

The question here isn't whether or not you've done something right or wrong; it's whether or not you choose for that something to be right or wrong. You have to ask yourself: Where is this story going? Is it really relevant to add in all of the other characters' interactions? What will build on this story and advance it in a direction I want it to go?

You know, I read a book once on novel writing, and one thing really stuck out to me. All stories have a certain 'theme', and are written in a certain way. Some focus on character development (Like mine.), others on plot (Like a mystery.), and even some are meant solely for the purpose of describing exotic places (Lord of the Rings.). There's many other categories, but the purpose remains the same: What kind of story are you writing? When you find that out, you can begin thinking of ideas to advance on your fiction.

Is Tsunade and Sakura's mother/daughter relationship important in this story? If so, great! Add some more stuff with them interacting, though in a subtle way. If not, that's fine too. Same goes for the other people in the caravan. If YOU feel there is a need for them later on in the story, then keep writing little tidbits of what they're doing, also.

Just one more thing before I finish. The most important thing to remember while writing a story is to write it for your own purposes. It's fine for other people to pitch ideas, and help you, but if you don't want us to know what's happening between other characters behind the scenes, then we can just live with it! When you start writing a story for yourself, as if it were for your own personal pleasure, then it become easier and more exciting to create!
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